Emotional abuse is a means of control. It is more commonly described as abuse rather than violence as it reflects the contol used to maintain power over the woman. Perpetrators use many ways to maintain power and control over a woman. This includes the following lists:

Perpetrators isolate women by:
Not allowing her any money
Not allowing her to use the phone
Locking her in the house
Not communicating with her
Witholding any assistance needed to go out
Encouraging development of phobias and depression
Not allowing her to work/attend evening classes/college etc
Preventing her from seeing family/friends
Withholding affection
Saying that this doesn't happen to anyone else
Accompanying her everywhere
Preventing her from learning English

Perpetrators degrade women by:
Making her beg for money/food
Humiliating her in front of others/children
Sexual violence/pornography
Making her think she is dirty
Spitting at her
Using racial abuse
Telling her she is too young to know anything
Making her repeat household chores over and over again
Telling her she is 'stupid, useless, unattractive, fat, thin, no-one would want her'

Perpetrators use the following threats:
To harm her/the children
To kill her, her children, family and friends
To kill pets
To sexually abuse her children
To have her deported or reported to the authorities
To withhold care
To find her if she leaves
To have her sectioned
To make sure she is blamed for breaking up the family
To smash everything
To leave her
To kill himself
To leave her penniless

These are some of the ways perpetrators display total power over women:
Physical beating
Rape/sexual violence
Turning children against the woman
Abusing her in front of others or children
Making her service his needs instantly
Finding her when she leaves
Boasting about the abuse with friends
Making her use cleaning agents to clean herself
Locking her in or out of the house
Destroying her possessions
Taking the children away
Injuring her
Killing pets

Perpetrators use the following 'occassional indulgences'
Apologising after being violent/abusive
Buying her gifts/meals/holidays
Playing with the children
Helping her with the housework
Allowing her to see her family and/or friends
Being affectionate
Showing kindness
Making promises of change/improvements

Women are kept exhausted physically and emotionally exhausted by:
Causing physical injury/sexual violence
Waking her when she is asleep
Having sex when she is tired
Withholding her medication or encouraging over-use of medication
Withholding information/refusing to make decisions
Keeping her pregnant/with young children
Not contributing - financially/childcare/housework
Removing/destroying any aids she may require
Making threats - living in constant fear of violence to her or her children

Perpetrators use the following to justify their behaviour:
'No-one else would want you'
This is what girlfriends/wives normally do'
'It's because I love you'
'I can't live without you'
'I can't bear the thought of you with someone else'
'It's good for you'
'You like it really'
'My duty to teach you about sex'